Some Things Are Better left Unsaid

In my effort to be helpful, honest and real, I have managed to rain on other people's parade. Yes, my frankness has earned me labels like ‘negative’, ‘not supportive’ and even mean-spirited.

When I give my honest and frank views, people will generally still be polite and appear receptive. But little did I know that I was no longer in their ‘A’ list of people to go to for ideas as I have proven to be just a pesky, nasty wet blanket who just want to bring others down with my negativity.

I discovered that when someone has made a decision, perhaps the best thing to do is to just congratulate them and not to remind them that perhaps it wasn’t exactly the best of decisions, nor even to alert them of the dangers lurking ahead. People prefer to hear the good stuff. They don’t want to hear bad news and they certainly do not appreciate the bearer of bad news.

The truth can be ugly and not everyone is able to handle it. If the ugly truth be told and it is contrary to their cherished beliefs, people will have to revisit their values and decisions. This makes some people uncomfortable and even angry that their values and beliefs have been challenged. For if their beliefs turned out to be wrong, they are in big trouble as they have made decisions based on those beliefs. Rather than being wrong, many people would rather be angry with the bearer of bad news for even suggesting that they may be in the wrong.

This is the lesson I’ve learned. I have decided to still be honest and real with those who actually ASKED for my honest and real opinions and to those I’m very concerned about. Otherwise I will still be frank and honest but will edit out the so called ‘negative’ portion of my views. This means that they will hear only the things they want to hear and not the total truth as I see it.

This bring home another point. It is not my business to make people see the truth as I see it. They have their own truths and will experience their truth in their own time and space.